Out of Sorts

There is no rhythm to my life. Very few things seem consistent enough to be counted on. With big projects getting out of the way and my must-do list pared down significantly, space has been cleared in my head that is quickly being filled with anxious thoughts. I have all day to myself with nowhere to be. But I have no motivation to tackle even the smallest thing that needs my attention: laundry, groceries. I am afraid I won't be able to complete everything I want to and yet, I am afraid to complete things for fear that I will be done.

I am down to 5 mg of prednisone but I continue to gain weight. It's perplexing and frustrating. My platelets were 66 yesterday, which is not good, but I had chemo last week and a drop was expected. So, we will see how they come back up this week. I am meeting with a new doctor tomorrow. She is about 15 minutes from my house. I am hoping it works out this time.

A Moment of Zen Brought to You by My Love

Everybody say, "ARGH!"

Everybody say, "AHHHHH."

Good Things

• After five weeks in the hospital, UK Sal is home and recovering. From recent correspondence, it appears her English wit and feisty spirit remains intact.
• Amazon Heart Founder Megan will be flying in from Australia to attend the YSC Conference. I cannot wait to see her! BTW: her name is pronounced MEE-gan.
• Going up to My Oncologist only two times a week.
• Being around more means I get to spend more time with The Kid.
• My Love has almost finished painting the kitchen. Photos to come soon!
• I finally got out all (well, nearly all) of my thank you notes to those who donated to support my participation in Amazon Heart Thunder UK.
• Lost is back on! Oh, and so is Survivor. Did the networks really have to put them up against each other? Thank goodness for Tivo.
• It's a slow Sunday in our home and I am lazing in simply being here with My Boys. I hope your day is also one to just sink into, absorb, and enjoy.

God Loves A Plan

You may recall the plan to secure an oncologist closer to home where I can get the treatment I need as directed by My Oncologist. I recently began the execution portion of said plan. Then it imploded. The chosen physician decided that he does not agree with My Oncologist on the course of my care and refuses to implement his treatment plan. This despite the fact that he says he does this type of thing all the time and would be happy to work with My Oncologist. I am angry, frustrated and deflated.

The good news is My Oncologist quickly suggest a new physician-identifying strategy. This will get resolved. Just as not as quickly as I would like. Where have I heard that song before?

In other medically relevent news, my counts dipped a bit after last week's treatment, as expected, from 100 to 85. We'll see next week how they do with bouncing back. In the good news column: The thrush is nearly gone and my blood pressure appears to be returning to a more normal range.

Prednisone's biggest personal offense, extra weight, continues to plague me. I know, I know, I am obsessed with the weight thing. But, I can't help it! Twenty more mg to go and once I'm off, I can see what the true damage is.

Oh, and while I'm on the topic of weight, here's a tip I could have used about two months ago: Snacking on nuts such as raw almonds and cashews is good for you only if you ingest obscenely minute portions. Like less than one handful a day portions. Like this:

I'm sorry, that is not a snack. It's a taunt. I had been inhaling about five or six and quite possibly more handfuls each day for the past two months. Had I known this before, I might as well have been enjoying other, more satisfying forms of snackage.

Delicious Ambition: A Shameless Plug for Dear Friend and Friend

Turning my thoughts from cancer to cookies today, let me introduce you to Two Smart Cookies. The women behind these beautiful and yummy treats create cookies perfect for gift-giving, party favors, desserts or craving satisfaction. I can attest to both the deliciousness of the cookies and the splendid service provided by the proprietors. Please give this start-up your consideration. You can reach them at: twosmartcookies@gmail.com

Super Tuesday Edition

Do you know where your candidate stands on the issue of breast cancer? Just one more thing you may wish to consider before flipping that lever, pushing that button or touching that screen.